The Primary Colors of Shades of Grey

Well, I have two friends who are depressed, and both of them will deny that they are. One is too busy being either manic or down to notice, let alone listen, and the other is firmly entrenched in the land of denial.
The problem for me is: I actually care about these two people and I'd like to be there for them. But alas, we run in different social circles, one is a lot older than I am, and other is in high school while I am attending my Jr. College so I honestly don't think I'm as close to them as I believe. None of this would bother me except for the way society treats human beings as a whole. Everyone is so self-absorbed --whatever the reason-- that no one can see when other people need you to be there. I've been through that. Had people I'd known for years just disappear the second I wasn't exactly the way I had been for the years before. It's a nasty, selfish product of our times. Along with the false security of 'everyone love and accept everyone else', please, that has never happened. And all that comes of it is people trusting the very people they shouldn't. No one is completely unbiased. People judge by appearances, they judge by sex, they judge by every little detail that they know about you, and it's a human instinct that shouldn't be ignored.

And these two friends of mine are suffering because they don't have real friends to turn to. Or if they do, they don't realize that because real friends are the ones that are there in the quiet way. They don't call you up just to say 'hey' the call you to see how your life is. Really they call because they care.

The sad thing is, there's nothing I can do for my two friends, because I am not close enough to them to be of help. Part of that is my fault, I was in a similar place they were in for a while. I didn't care... about anything... because at that moment in my mind all things beautiful were gone. I didn't matter, the world didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not even my friends who I cared about.
But now, I'm out of it. Lately, I've had a few epiphanies that I won't go into, mostly because they are deeply personal and rather lengthy to write out, but those epiphanies have helped me realize that I'm just fine the way I am. The handful of people that tried to bend me to their will failed, and it's a great feeling to know that. To turn around and realize that the reason why there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel is because the tunnel is behind me.
JM was right. He always is. And for a mild side note of praise: I love that man. I really do. I respect him more than almost anyone else I know because... he's got spirit. The spirit I strive for. The one that can just laugh, nod and shrug when he is challenged by someone because of his relaxed attitude. Because he knows he is good. And that's all that matters to him. For that... I adore him more than.... anyone.
He is my hero.
And I know how hard it is to realize things, especially when you're knee deep in them and have been manipulated there. I know what it's like to be dead set with thinking that you are right because if you're not right then your whole world will collapse. Because to admit some things takes more than time... it takes understanding. An understanding that many people never find. I never would have except I seem to have my own little 'guardian angel' (really for all intents and purposes he's my imaginary friend). But it still took me nearly three months to realize, after three years of being submersed, and I am still smoothing out my new perception. It's difficult. But I know I could help other people with similar problems. Especially my friends.

The only problem is... I'm too far away.

To Write, Is Life

Fang-y and Grr

Okay, so to sum things up: I'm in computer class, I limped up the stairs like House, I nearly got run over on Tuesday and I hurt my knee in the process, I'm slightly drugged but not enough to stop the pain, and I really, really, really don't want to listen to a lecture that won't do me any good. Also, as a side note, I hate college students. They suck.
Wanna hear about my almost-hit-and-run? Well, on Tuesday, Mom had dropped me off and I was walking across the parking lot, (like everyone does) and I looked both ways before I crossed the street, and there wasn't a car. Then when I'm in the middle of the street someone gasses it around the corner. In order to get out of the way I had to start to run when my knee went out which would have had me on the ground infront of the speeding car, when I changed to my right leg and leaped out of the way. Thank the PTB that my right leg didn't go out too, then I would have been road kill. Anyway, I slammed into the curb, and the damn car kept going, I jammed my right side, and brused and scraped my right knee through my jeans. And to add insult to ingury I landed in an ant pile. They were all in my hair and over my clothes, it wasn't fun.
But this girl came over looking horrorfied and helped me up, along with two other guys to materilized from some where. Anyway the girl helped me back to the car and Mom and I went home.
But I was pissed.
Really pissed.
College students suck, because one was stupid enough to be in a hurry because they couldn't fiuger out how to get to class on time, so they almost hit me, and I could have ended up with surgry.
I'll be making quite a few shirts in my free time. One of them'll say.

If you did not show up to class Monday,

Please do not attend the rest of the week

If you hate me after readng this, I really don't care.

Sorry, but mindsets change after nearlly getting hit.

To Write, Is Life

House MD

Okay, so today I walked into school with a limp and a leather jacket, I felt like Dr. House. Then Mom brought a cane by, so I could walk better, and then I really felt like House. Except mom lost the rubber stopper for the cane so it's a hazard on tile, almost killed myself walking into my computer class.
I'm thinking about buying a different cane, because I would come in handy and actually is alot of fun. Though no one holds doors open for me, which is midly upsetting. :(
But anyway, I've been watching too much house, because I want to make a shirt that says: You Idiot, on it in white. xD
And I'd love to have a best friend like Willson.
Off to do my homework.
Ta all!

To Write, Is Life